Silent All These Years
by darkaccalia520
Summary: Written for the Writers Anonymous Ten-Year writing challenge. Kristin had convinced herself she'd never love again, but when she and Nathan meet after the events of Hyperion, will she change her mind? Third season AU. One-shot. *COMPLETE*


**A/N: I know I've been MIA for a while, and I promise I am working on a Justice update. Life is just a bit busy right now, but in the meantime, I thought I'd give you this instead. This piece is written for the 'Ten Years Writing Challenge' at Writers Anonymous.**

 **Setup for the story is somewhere mid-third season after _seaQuest_ returns to Earth; to be safe, I'm marking it AU. The rest should be self-explanatory. For fandom blind readers, in _seaQuest_ canon, the submarine goes missing for a ten-year period from 2022 to 2032 because the crew becomes involved in a space war between two alien species. **

****Disclaimer: SeaQuest DSV and its characters are not my creation. They are the creation of Rockne S. O'Bannon as a 1990's television series. This work of fanfiction is for entertainment purposes only and is not for financial gain. I am just borrowing the characters for a bit and promise to return them unharmed and in their original condition, maybe just a bit happier.****

 ** **Silent All These Years****

"I will not take no for an answer," Janet Noyce said, holding an envelope out to Kristin. "Bill has finally talked Nathan into coming to the mainland so we can welcome him back properly, and I know full well you haven't spoken to him yet either. If you're not there, I will drive over to your apartment and drag you there myself, understood?" She then took her seat across from Kristin at their usual Cape Quest Cafe table.

"And hello to you, too," Kristin replied, cautiously taking the light blue envelope from her.

Janet laughed softly. "Sorry if I scared you, dear, but I know you want to see him...and I'm sure he wants to see you, too."

The younger woman's mouth fell open slightly. "Did...did he say that?"

"Well, no, but he asked about you after Bill had told him we're all still friends."

Kristin shook her head. "Then I hate to tell you, but I'm sure he just did that to be polite."

"You can doubt it all you want, but I _know_ him...and I know you, too. The party's this Saturday at three. Don't be late."

Kristin knew better than to argue with her. "Yes, I'll be there; don't worry. Are you going to tell me what to wear, too?" she asked flatly.

"Well, if you're asking, I've always liked that blue dress of yours. You know, that light blue one with the cream-colored beading. I'm sure that will turn his head. And you could wear those matching mules, and-"

"Before you start planning my hairdo, I was being sarcastic. Not only that, I'm not trying to turn anyone's head, _especially_ his. That ship sailed ages ago, no pun intended, long before _seaQuest_ even..." She trailed off, unable to say the word; even now, the disappearance still haunted her. "Well, you already know what happened, so I needn't remind you. Now, if you don't mind, can we please just order and talk about something else?"

"Of course," the older woman said, placing a hand over Kristin's. "And I'm sorry if I seem a bit pushy. I just wish... Well, I want to see you two be happy. You were good together once, you know. I hadn't seen Nathan so happy since Carol, and finding you had been a godsend." She picked up her menu and began looking it over.

" _Were_ being the operative word," Kristin replied. "And for the record, I _am_ happy."

A brow rose in question, but Janet simply nodded. "Whatever you say, honey. Order anything you like; it's my treat this week."

 _ _-sQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQ-__

When she returned home, Kristin threw the invitation on the wooden coffee table and sat on the sofa, letting out a heavy sigh. Much as she'd tried to forget, her thoughts kept drifting back to Nathan, and no matter how she moved, she felt that dull ache from the past push itself to the surface and threaten to turn her world upside down once again. She wanted nothing more than to be free from it, but she couldn't...not until she was able to overcome all these emotions and get back to the person she used to be. She shook her head and wiped away the tears that stung her eyes. "No, I can't; I won't," she muttered. "This is silly. It's just a dinner party, nothing more. It doesn't mean... It means nothing."

She forced herself to get up, suddenly having the strong urge to do something to take her mind off all this. She needed to clean. That would keep her mind off this, she decided. Only the moment she started tidying up, memories from the past came flooding back to her.

 _She and Nathan had spent nearly the entire tour tiptoeing around each other, both cautious...almost afraid to make a move. On Nathan's end, he was still in mourning the sudden loss of his wife, and on Kristin's, with her track record, she'd nearly sworn off men altogether. But every time she and Nathan were together, they'd felt it: that connection, that spark. Kristin desperately wanted to pursue it, but she wasn't going to push him, fearing he might not be ready._

 _She'd waited patiently, and it finally paid off. The only problem was he decided to make a move on the same day the entire world was in danger, so their little intimate moment was cut off barely before it begun. She'd almost lost him that day, but he came back to her...for a short while, at least._

 _Oh, it wasn't that he'd left her...no, he was physically there the entire time. But when a UEO submarine explodes, they want answers. The inquest took over, and they also wanted plans for a new_ ** _seaQuest_** _pronto. Then there was the little matter of Lucas. Though his father made a point to be more involved in his life, Lucas still needed Nathan...and Nathan needed him, too._

 _Kristin had tried not to complain. She'd promised Nathan she'd never make him choose between her and the sea, but she'd failed to mention the_ ** _seaQuest_** _. It came to the point where she had one of two options. Either she could accept the fact that she wasn't the top priority in Nathan's life and may never be, or she could move on. With the first option, she could at least have Nathan once in a while, but those whiles so far had been few and far between and usually came in the middle of the night. They were nice, but it wasn't enough for her...not enough to keep her satisfied._

 _She'd chosen the second option lightly veiled as a job offer. If she'd told him the truth, she was afraid he'd throw everything away for her. While it might have been nice for a little while, Kristin feared that eventually, she wouldn't be enough for him, and he'd blame her. She couldn't let that happen. She knew he might be angry with her for leaving him, but he'd heal. And with time, so would she. She waited until he came home late that night._

" _You didn't have to wait up for me. You knew I'd be late."_

" _I...I know, but I wanted to talk to you." She took his hand and pulled him towards the sofa._

 _ _He frowned. "This sounds serious. Something wrong, Kris?"__

 _ _She hesitated for a moment. "I'd told you I couldn't afford to wait around for the second__ ** _ _seaQuest__** _ _to be built before working again..."__

 _" _And I'd told you that's all right. I have enough money to support both of us. You don't need to worry about it."__

 _ _She shook her head. "As kind as that is, I don't think that's very wise. We aren't even married, and you're offering to-"__

 _" _What? Are you saying you want to get married?"__

 _" _No, not at all. I mean...not yet anyway. It's a little early for that. But what I am saying is I can't accept your offer. I need to work, and I've decided to go back teaching for my research university...at least until I find something better."__

 _" _Your research university?" Nathan repeated. "In London? You're going back to London?"__

 _" _Nathan, I'm sorry, but I'm just not content being alone all the time while you're at the base dealing with everything."__

 _" _It's not like I__ ** _ _want__** _ _to be there. Don't you think I'd rather be here with you? It's just these things take time."__

 _ _She placed a hand on his shoulder. "Nathan, I know, and please, don't think I'm blaming you. Not at all. No one planned what happened. I just think... I think this is better for the both of us."__

" _You leaving is better for both of us? How does that work? We barely see each other now as it is, and-"_

" _That's my point," she said quietly. "I...I'm not even sure there is an us right now. Maybe by the time the new **seaQuest**_ _is built, things will be different. We'll have more time to pursue a relationship...that is, if you still want to."_

 _He was quiet for a long time before he finally said, "I understand."_

" _You...you do?"_

 _He nodded, pulling her into his arms. "I can see how difficult this was for you, and you're right...it's not very fair right now."_

 _She nuzzled into his chest, feeling tears prick the corners of her eyes. "I will miss you...so much."_

" _I'll miss you, too, sweetheart. But we'll have the vid-link. You call me any time, day or night."_

Two vid-phone calls later, however, they never spoke again. It hadn't been anger or animosity that prevented them from talking, however. It had simply been life. And when the second _seaQuest_ was finally ready to launch, Kristin had opted against returning after all. She had already settled into her life back in London, and since she and Nathan had grown apart, there seemed little sense in resuming her CMO position.

It hadn't been until eight months later, when _seaQuest_ seemed to disappear off the face of the earth, that she'd even thought of him again. She'd flown back to the States for the memorial service, and when Secretary General Noyce told her he could help her get a position in the UEO labs, she'd jumped at the chance, and she'd taken a chief physician position at the Cape Quest Medical Center as well. Part of her had hoped that the _seaQuest_ and her crew would be found well and safe, and she and Nathan could pick up where they'd left off.

She'd never gotten that chance, however. She'd mourned them all for ten long years...mourning over what once was and what was to never be. Somehow, though, she'd been able to forget. She'd moved on with her life, and she'd let Nathan become a distant memory until four months ago, when all of a sudden, the _seaQuest_ showed up in a cornfield in Iowa.

How in the world a submarine ended up in the middle of a cornfield, she didn't know. She was no longer privy to such information, and if Bill knew what exactly had happened with the crew over the past ten years, he couldn't tell her. The media had said it was due to a faulty navigation system, but she didn't buy that for a second.

The crew being found had seemed like a miracle, though. Since the _seaQuest_ had disappeared, the world was in a dire state. When the UEO had lifted the ban on colonial deregulation, new underwater colonies seemed to spring up overnight, but without the most powerful boat in its fleet to regulate such colonization, the UEO lost control. Power and greed had become the new agenda of the world, and Macronesian Alliance president, Alexander Bourne, was its front-runner.

The man opposed UEO policies and was hellbent on turning people over to his side of things, even by force, and he'd slowly taken over half the Pacific Ocean in the past decade with no sign of letting up. The Macronesian Alliance had overtaken Nexus, a small underwater farming community, at the same time the _seaQuest_ had been found. Though she didn't know the exact details, she'd heard the crew was able to help free Nexus colony.

Naively, she'd thought when things had settled down, Nathan might call her. Though Bill had retired years before, she knew he and Nathan had spoken shortly after his return. Therefore, Nathan knew she was living in New Cape Quest and could have easily gotten her number. Of course, those calls never came, but Nathan had other things in his life.

While the _seaQuest_ was back in the waters dealing with what the UEO referred to as a conflict, she'd heard from Janet that Nathan had decided to retire for one very important reason: his grandson, Michael. This meant that Robert Bridger had never perished in the North Atlantic after all, and Nathan was determined to find his son and bring him home. Where Robert had been all this time and why he'd never contacted his parents remained a mystery. No one even knew where Michael's mother was now, and while Kristin had pondered over the situation a few times, the only thing she knew for sure was that Nathan wouldn't be calling her at all.

And why would he? She'd walked out _his_ door, so there was no reason to think she'd even crossed his mind over the years. Sure, he'd asked about her _after_ Bill mentioned her, but it meant nothing. Though they'd speak cordially at the party, she wasn't holding her breath that anything more would happen.

If that were true, though, why was she dwelling on it now? Why couldn't she just forget about Nathan Bridger for good? Why couldn't she-

 _Because you know you're hoping he hasn't forgotten about you, too,_ her heart answered back.

She winced slightly, knowing it was true. She was so tired...tired of feeling imprisoned by all these memories, all these emotions. She desperately wanted to rid herself of them...or at least push them down deep back to where they'd come from. She was tired of feeling lonely and depressed. At least for the past several years, she'd learned to deal with it, been able to survive. That dull ache reared its ugly head deep within her, all the hurt rising to the surface again.

Be that as it may, she wouldn't dare tell Nathan a thing, unless it was he who'd mentioned it first. She'd kept her true feelings to herself all these years, and there was no reason to change now, she vowed. When all the anxiety stopped overruling her, she'd be back on the road to recovery. She gave a slight nod, confirming it to herself. This party would be nothing but a pleasant one, and she refused to taint it by dredging up the past. After that, she'd be able to get back on the road to inner peace...at some point, but she'd have to deal with that later.

 _ _-sQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQ-__

"Oh, you did decide to wear it," Janet said the moment Kristin walked through her door.

Kristin looked down at her dress. "Well, since you'd put the idea in my head, I figured why not," she said with a smile.

"Well, I'm glad you did. You look lovely," Janet said, ushering her to the living room. "Go right on in; there are quite a few people in there who've been asking about you."

"But I thought you might like some help."

"No need. I've got everything under control. Go and mingle; I'll see you later."

Kristin's knees instantly felt like jelly at the thought of seeing Nathan so soon. She'd thought she'd have a little more time to mentally prepare, but when her eyes scanned the room, she realized he wasn't there yet, though she did see several other familiar faces, mostly UEO brass or former brass.

"Doc!"

She followed the direction of the voice and saw Lucas pushing through the group to meet her.

"Lucas, my goodness, what a surprise," she said, her voice becoming hoarse with emotion as she wrapped him in a tight hug. "I didn't expect... Last I'd heard, you'd enlisted."

He grinned. "Yeah, but I still get shore leave. I suppose you're not too happy with the idea, though...me being in the military, I mean."

"Lucas, you're an adult now. What you do is your business. It certainly doesn't matter what I think."

His eyes widened. "Who are you, and what have you done with the real Doctor Westphalen? The doc I knew would have flipped her lid."

She sighed. "All right, if you really want to know my opinion, no, I'm not _thrilled_ with the idea, but with the world on the brink of war..." She shook her head and forced a smile. "Well, I've changed my opinion. I just hope you're staying safe."

"Always, Doc, I promise." He paused. "Captain Bridger wasn't too happy with me at first either, but I had to remind him I'm only doing what I think is right...something the both of you always taught me. I think he understood after that."

She smiled softly. "Well, then for that, I'm proud of you." She scanned the crowd. "Is Nathan here?"

"Not yet, but I know he'll be happy to see you."

Her brow furrowed. "Oh, Lucas, why in the world would you think that? It's been years since... I'm sure you'd heard what happened between the two of us."

The younger man nodded quietly. "But I know him, and I _know_ he still cares for you."

She felt her cheeks grow warm, suddenly at a loss for words. "Lucas..." was all she could manage to say.

He placed a hand around her shoulders. "I didn't mean to upset you. I just meant... I'm sure whatever happened between you and the captain is in the past...and it should stay there. I'll bet the captain feels the same way."

 _You know he's right_ , her inner voice said. _Just accept it._

"I suppose we'll just wait and see. Um, I'm terribly sorry, but could you excuse me? I'll be sure to find you later."

"Of course, Doc...later."

 _ _-sQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQ-__

Kristin made a bee-line for the rest room, needing a few moments alone to get her bearings. It hadn't been what Lucas had said; rather, it was her heart. She looked in the mirror and sighed heavily. "What Lucas said doesn't change anything," she muttered. "Even if Nathan cares, it doesn't mean he's still in love with me."

 _But you are still in love with him, so why are you fighting it?_

She shook her head. "I'm not fighting it, but...it's just not the right time."

 _So you're just going to silence me again?_

"It's the only way."

Her heart didn't offer a reply, so Kristin felt confident it had gotten the message. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself and then opened the door once again. All she had to do was get through the rest of the day; she'd worry about her true feelings after that.

 _ _-sQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQ-__

Nathan nervously made his way up the Noyces' walkway. He could feel his palms sweating and his heart racing, though it wasn't the idea of the party ruffling his feathers. No, he knew he'd be seeing a great many old faces; he'd been away from the real world for a long time, but he'd had his grandson to worry about now, which is why he'd turned the _seaQuest_ over to Captain Oliver Hudson.

War was an idea he'd always hated, and he had no desire to deal with Macronesia. Not only that, he'd planned on going back out to sea, once he'd secured a submarine, to find his son. So when Bill asked him about coming to the mainland, he figured he ought to do it now, just in case. He had been looking forward to coming, actually, but upon hearing that she was going to be here...

Well, he had so many mixed feelings about it. Yes, she'd left him to begin with, but he couldn't blame her. He knew he hadn't been able to give her the attention she craved, the attention she deserved. Even though they'd fallen out of touch, they still had something to look forward to: the second _seaQuest_. He'd still thought the plan was to pick up where they'd left off, but Kristin had put a stop to that when she'd given up her CMO position.

He'd been shocked, to say the least, and while he'd tried to figure out what happened, he never found out exactly why. He'd hoped so many times for a letter, an email, a call, but nothing ever came. And while he'd thought of doing the same, he could never go through with it. Mainly, he'd been afraid there was someone else and that she wouldn't want a bad reminder from her past.

And then when he'd been pulled into an intergalactic war, he had no way of contacting her at all; he'd regretted waiting so long. Of course, he hadn't realized he'd been gone for ten years until they wound up back on Earth, since to him and the rest of the crew, they'd only been on Hyperion for a week. Still, he'd welcomed the second chance to make things right.

Only he couldn't help but have a few doubts now. There were about a million 'what if' questions running through his head, but as he rang the bell, he tried to squash them, hoping it was nothing more than nerves. The moment Janet let him inside and he'd said his hellos to her and a few other guests, he saw her.

His first thought was that she was beautiful. The years had been very kind to her, and she looked nearly the same as the last time he'd seen her. The only small differences were that her hair was a bit longer, and there was a sadness in her eyes. She didn't see him right away, so he pushed through the crowd, muttering hellos as he passed.

He held out his arms for a hug. "It's been a long time, Kris."

She nodded and walked towards him, settling into the embrace. "Indeed, it has. It's so good to see you," she whispered.

He could feel the slight tremble of her shoulders when he put his arms around her; at least she was as nervous as he was, but he wouldn't let on that he'd noticed. "It's good to see you, too," he said as he broke the hug. "How've you been? You know, I...I'd wanted to call you so many times, and..."

"I've been fine. And...and it's all right; it's all in the past now."

He shook his head. "No, about us, I-"

She held up a hand. "No, there's really no need to say anything. That...that's ancient history."

Was that a crack in her voice? He eyed her carefully; she looked on the verge of tears, her teeth sinking into her bottom lip. He put his hands on her shoulders. "I'm not really sure it is. I never felt right about the way things were left between us." He glanced around the room. "Maybe...maybe we could go outside and talk for a bit?"

"I... Perhaps we should..." She shook her head. "Everyone's here to see you," she said quietly. "It would be bad manners to disappear at a party where you're the guest of honor."

He took her hand and gently pulled her towards the door. "They've waited ten years; I think they can wait just a little longer."

 _ _-sQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQ-__

For one second, Kristin allowed herself to get swept up in the moment before coming to her senses. She stopped in her tracks. "Nathan, I don't think this is a good idea."

His brow furrowed in question as he turned to face her. "Why not?"

"I meant it could wait. I'm sure..."

"Nathan! It's about time you got here. Just so you know, this isn't everyone. I've got a den full of old sea dogs who've been waiting to see the man of the hour," Bill said, glancing to Kristin. "Unless I'm interrupting something."

Kristin wriggled her hand out of Nathan's. "Not at all. I was just telling him he should go see his guests. We'll talk later," she said to Nathan.

"Later," Nathan muttered before following Bill into the den.

 _ _-sQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQ-__

As he followed Bill into the den, Nathan swore under his breath. He'd been so close to finally getting some closure with Kristin, and Bill had to go ruin it. Well, maybe ruin wasn't the word. This was his party after all, but surely, guests would wait.

 _Only Kristin looked like a deer caught in headlights the moment he'd taken her hand,_ he noted. He shook his head. Had he been too pushy, moved too fast? He'd wanted to clear the air so badly that he may have forgotten to slow things down. She was still getting used to the fact he hadn't been dead all this time, after all. No wonder she'd looked so shocked and upset.

"Hey, you okay?" Bill's voice cut through his thoughts.

"Of course," Nathan replied. "I was just...thinking about what I'm going to say to everyone."

The older man patted Nathan's shoulder. "Don't worry; it's like riding a bicycle. It will all come back to you soon enough."

 _ _-sQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQ-__

As soon as they'd left her, she sucked in several deep breaths in an effort to calm down. She wasn't quite sure how she'd gotten to the point where she couldn't seem to handle a simple conversation with an old friend. She'd never acted this way with any of her ex-husbands, and she'd seen them a few times over the years.

She found Lucas again. "Hello, again, dear. Why don't you tell me more about what you've been up to lately?"

He flashed her that familiar boyish grin of his and nodded. "Of course, Doc. Well, you see..."

Though she tried to focus on the young man she'd always thought of as a son, her mind wandered. She'd always prided herself in being calm and cool in intense situations. She was a doctor, for goodness sake, so she knew how to control her emotions in tough times. Or she used to anyway. She shook her head in frustration. She'd stood up to criminals like Rubin Zellar and Milos Teslov, had more than a few heated conversations with Bill Noyce...she'd even had a few of those same types of discussions with Nathan in the past.

"That sounds fascinating," she said to Lucas, trying to show interest. She felt a bit guilty, though. She'd really wanted to catch up with Lucas, but she couldn't focus. If she'd always been able to handle tough situations, why in the world was she nearly ripping apart at the seams now?

 _Well, you were a different woman then,_ she reasoned. Certain events had forced her to change, to adapt. Sometimes, she wished things were as simple as they once were. Still, she knew she was only delaying the inevitable. She'd have to face Nathan at some point. She risked a glance towards the other side of the room where Nathan was speaking with a few other guests, but his eyes were fixed on her. She blushed and lowered her gaze. What would she tell him when the time came?

 _You tell him you love him, silly. Anyone can see he loves you, so it's that simple,_ her heart said.

 _No, it's not_ , she thought. _I'd already explained to you why that's a bad idea._ She ran a hand through her hair. _Oh, God, I sound schizophrenic, arguing with myself. You have **got** to get a grip, or this is going to turn disastrous very fast. _

"But, really, I've been rambling on forever. What about you, Doc? What have you been up to lately?" Lucas asked.

"Oh, well, I live right here in New Cape Quest, a few blocks from the hospital, actually. I-"

She nearly jumped when she felt a hand on her shoulder, knowing exactly who it was.

"Sorry, kiddo, but would you mind if I borrowed her for just a little while?" Nathan asked.

Lucas smiled. "Not at all. I'm sure you've got a _lot_ to talk about." He gave a wink. "We can catch up another time, Doc. See you two later."

Nathan laughed softly. "He sure is subtle." He held out his hand to her. "Shall we, Doctor?"

She forced a weak smile and put her hand in his. "Lead the way."

 _ _-sQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQ-__

Nathan led her to the beach behind Bill and Janet's house. "So, what's this all about?" she asked. "You don't need to apologize again, if that's what you think. Like I'd said, it's in the past." She forced a smile. "We really have nothing to discuss, do we?"

His brow furrowed as he eyed her carefully. He knew she was lying. Though she smiled, her eyes told another story. He placed his hands on her shoulders. "After ten years, we have nothing to talk about?"

She gently shrugged him away and turned towards the water. "I'm sure we could think of a million things. I just meant we don't need to talk about the past when it comes to us. It had just been an inauspicious time. You had been so busy, and, I had to do what I'd needed."

He moved to stand next to her, placing an arm around her shoulders. "Things change. Just because I was away didn't mean I stopped thinking about you."

She shut her eyes tightly and shook her head. "I thought about you, too, but..."

"But, what?" he asked. "I'm not blind, Kris. Just because we haven't seen one another in ages doesn't mean I don't know how you work. You've looked ready to fall apart all afternoon. I...I know things didn't go well back then, and you don't know how sorry I am for that. But I think we should give it another chance. So, what do you say?" He placed a hand to her chin and gently urged her to look at him. "Can you give me another chance?"

"I...I'm..." she stammered, her voice thick with emotion. "I think...I need a few moments. Excuse me."

Nathan stood helplessly as she turned from him and walked down towards the water. Though her back was turned to him, he could see her shoulders shaking, knowing she was crying. He bit his lip in worry. Had he really upset her that badly? He'd hoped this was going to be a happy reunion...not whatever this was. He sighed and paced for a few minutes, wondering what was going through her head. There was something off about all this...about her.

He waited several long minutes, but she never returned, so he walked to where she was sitting. "I know you said you needed some time, but... Kristin, please, tell me what's wrong. We used to be able to talk about everything." He sat down next to her and placed an arm around her shoulders.

"It's...nothing," she said, her voice barely above a whisper, tears still fresh on her cheeks.

"It doesn't look like nothing. I've never known you to cry over nothing."

"You haven't known me in a long time," she pointed out with shrug. "I'm just not feeling very well."

"I can see that. The question is why. It can't be Janet's food, and this is way more than a stomachache." He put a hand under her chin and urged her to look at him. "Honesty starts _now_. I'll go first; I'm still in love with you, Kris. After all this time, I know you're the one I'm meant to be with. The universe gave me another chance, and I'll be damned if I'm going to waste it. I know things are a bit...complicated now, but we can work it out." He paused. "Okay, your turn."

She sighed heavily. "I... I don't think I can..."

He held up a finger. "Honesty, remember?"

She bit her lip and swallowed hard. "All right. Honesty. The truth is..." She took a shaky breath. "I'm still in love with you, too," she said softly. "In fact, I was the day I'd walked out your door. I just... There'd been so much going on in your life then that there didn't appear to be much room for me, and I couldn't ask you to... There had seemed little point in doing so anyway; it just would have caused an argument, and you couldn't exactly change it anyway." She shrugged. "And even now... Nathan, you've got your grandson, and you're about to begin a search for your son. You've got so much on your plate. I don't think there's any room for me on it."

"Kris, I'm so sorry you felt like... I'd never meant to push you away, and I...I can't believe you've held this all in for ten years. Why did you ever think you had to do that?"

"I'm a glutton for punishment?" she offered weakly. "I honestly don't know why, and even now, it looks like this isn't a good time for us."

"Says who? I was serious when I said we'd work it out...and this time, I'll make sure you don't feel pushed aside."

"But I don't want to get in the way of... You've got your grandson, and I'm sure he needs you..."

"You know, believe it or not, there's enough of me to go around." He moved to kiss her gently. "Kristin, please, will you trust me? Give us another chance?"

"I'd like to, but what if-"

He placed a finger to her lips. "Don't think that way. As long as we stay honest with one another, there won't be room for doubt. So, what do you say? Let me make you happy again?"

 _ _-sQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQ-__

 _ _Just do it!__ her heart screamed.

Kristin sighed. Both her heart and her head were still in conflict with each other. Her head was still full of doubts, but her heart was beginning to get the upper hand.

 _But like Nathan had said, if you two are honest, the doubts will disappear. Besides, you could deliberate for decades and still not know the answer. Do you really want to watch him walk out of your life again?_

No, she didn't want that. Her heart had leaped for joy the moment he'd kissed her. She'd spent the last decade being alone and was miserable for a great deal of it. "Yes," she finally said. "I love you, and all I want is to be with you." She half expected her brain to protest, but it remained quiet.

He smiled and kissed her again. "I love you, too. You've made me the happiest man in the world," he told her. "I just hope I can make you just as happy."

"Well, you're off to a good start."

He stood and held out his hand to her. "Much as I'd love to sit out here with you the rest of the day, eventually, they're going to wonder where we are."

"They probably have their faces plastered to the window staring at us anyway."

He laughed. "After the party, though, I'm all yours."

"As long as it's for the rest of our lives, you've got a deal. I'm sorry I let you ever think I didn't love you after all."

He put an arm around her and ushered her back to the house. "As long as it doesn't happen again, you're forgiven."

She kissed him on the cheek, feeling confident she could now be happy. "I promise I'll never keep my love silent again."


End file.
